We named our party play list daddy issues
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
