Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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