i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
