You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
