guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
