When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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