My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My ass is underappreciated
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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