Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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