I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
