could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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