I cannot find my penis.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
