I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You made out with two different species that night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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