You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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