I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
