she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
