he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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