anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
