do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
