I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
