I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Randomize
