Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
