she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
