i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
