I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
