i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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