I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
