I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
