Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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