i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
