ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
