they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
