There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize