I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
