Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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