if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize