haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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