He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
