I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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