No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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