I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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