she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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