Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
