he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
