Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
