i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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