There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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