I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
