Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
