So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Houston, we have a blender
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
