Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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