Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
