Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
