D3 body, D1 cock
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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