No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
