im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
