I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
