I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just pee around me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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