you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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