it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
