I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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