I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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