I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
