did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
