I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
