He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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