i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
