the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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