I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
