I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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