No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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