I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
