Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
